Heartbreaking loss is one of the most painful experiences of being human.
When you’re heartbroken, suddenly the world doesn't feel quite as safe anymore. Your trust in the goodness of life waivers. The connections you counted on become tattered and frayed, and sometimes completely severed.
Any of these experiences can be a catalyst for heartbreaking loss…
The death of a beloved spouse, friend, or parent.
A divorce, or an unwanted breakup (again!)
The death of a pet who has been there every single day through thick and thin.
A big empty nest.
Being abandoned or betrayed by someone you counted on and trusted.
Heartbreaking loss makes you reevaluate everything you thought you knew about life and love. It can tear you apart and brings you to your knees. Over and over again.
But only if you let it.
As hard as heartbreak can be, surviving and learning to thrive after a heartbreaking loss can be one of the most triumphant experiences of your life.
Heartbreak demands that we face the hardest parts of being human. It calls us deep into the shadows of our core wounds. It also offers a powerful opportunity to heal and become more authentically alive and engaged in life. It can be a powerful catalyst to courageously awakening our innate love, wisdom and spiritual awareness.
The essence of heartbreak is feeling the presence, love, and support of someone…. and then it is gone. The love is gone, and the support vanishes. The one you depended on, and maybe even cherished, isn’t there for you anymore.
When someone you love isn’t there for you in the ways they used to be, big empty spaces often fill the places in your heart once reserved for them. Sometimes those empty spaces are filled with a never-ending flood of tears. At other times the pain and anger feel like they have taken over every part of your life.
Our culture often denies heartbreak and the need to fully grieve and heal. In the midst of loss, we often quietly fall into the life diminishing habits of denial and repression.
We turn away from the pain. Or we fall so deeply into it we feel like we are drowning in a sea of despair.
We medicate. We binge. We sob until the tears run dry, or push the tears so far down everything grows cold and hard.
Yet, no matter how hard you try to “get over it and move on”, unless the wound is tended to, heartbreak lingers and it keeps right on hurting. In times of emotional heartbreak, the parts of the brain that registers physical pain are also activated.
Heartbreak hurts, deep down and all around. I know. I’ve been there. More than once.
I’ve gone to the depths of heartbreak, and eventually found my way back into the light. Stronger, wiser and happier than before.
The unexpected passing of my beloved five years ago was a catalyst for healing not only the grief about his death, but for also facing a lifetime of unresolved heartbreak and disappointment. My healing demanded that I come to terms with all the times people I loved and counted on weren’t there for me in ways large and small.
Each time I allowed myself to grieve, something seemingly miraculous, yet quite natural happened. Love and more love emerged within and all around me. As I embraced my grief, my heart continued to open and expand.
Most significant of all, instead of feeling like a victim of my beloved's death, I knew that healing this heartbreak was one of the greatest gift I have ever been given.
As I healed my own heartbreaking losses, I became acutely aware of the great cloud of collective loss that dampens many people's ability to fully and freely live and love.
Most people have multiple significant unresolved heartbreaks in their lives.
Maybe it was the breakup or divorce you never really got over. Or the death of someone significant and trusted. Or even a major life transition that felt like a loss.
Whatever the unresolved losses, we pay a great price for not embracing and healing them. Depression, addiction, and the inability to create supportive relationships are but a few of the common results of unresolved loss.
From my own experience of grieving my beloved’s death, as well as grieving a divorce that occurred many years earlier, and other lesser losses, this is what I have come to know…
The deep pool of unresolved grief that so many people carry within every single day can be transformed into an infinite source of love.
Since my time of deep grieving, I have supported many others in navigating the sacred journey of grief so they can thrive again after loss.
Through a series of energy psychology and relationship coaching sessions focussed on healing their losses, clients find acceptance, peace, and more love than ever before.
This is the kind of support and guidance I needed when I was deep in the shadows of grief and heartache, which I now give to others.
If you are interested in finding out more about how you can heal unresolved loss and heartbreak, click here to schedule a free introductory consultation.
P.S. Please feel free to pass this message along to a friend who is suffering from a heartbreaking loss.
Happy Summer to you, wherever you are!
These early days of summer at Sweet Water Retreat have been filled with so many joyful times already. Slowing down and catching up have been front and center in my life recently. I have had cherished friends and family come to visit from far and wide. We have been basking in the long warm days and cool nights that are common in the Sierra foothills of Northern California, throughly enjoying sweet summertime activities. Sharing relaxed meals on the deck, hiking in nature, dangling feet in the cool creek, and enjoying live music in this charming small town have been deeply satisfying. Life simply doesn't get any better.
Our most joyful experiences often occur when we feel deeply connected with others in nourishing ways. Yet, we sometimes unconsciously stop ourselves from deeply connecting because the pain of disconnection can be intense and hard to move through gracefully.
We have all felt the sting of disconnection, in large and small ways. At some time or another, you reached out to someone and they turned away. A once cherished relationship ended or radically changed. Someone you believed in betrayed your trust. Maybe your child grew up and moved away. Or your beloved partner, parent or friend died.
And there you were feeling the pain of disconnection, longing for the warm glow of healthy intimate connection. Instead you felt empty, alone, and sore to the bone.
The unresolved pain of feeling disconnected robs us of joy and sometimes keep us from creating new connections.
Yet, disconnection isn’t inherently painful or sad. Sometimes holding on to the ideas about how life should be unfolding is more painful than the actual experience of disconnection and separation. One of the reasons disconnection can feel so bad is that we often believe in the myth of 'happily ever after'.
The myth goes something like this...
Anything good should last forever, right? And if it doesn’t, something went horribly wrong.
But, what if the myth of 'happily ever after' isn’t even remotely true?
What if the temporal nature of experience is one of the elements that makes life so good?
What if the experiences of connection and disconnection are essential parts of the natural cycles of life?
Connection and disconnection are like night and day. They are complimentary polarities, each with unique gifts to give. What if it is perfectly natural for one cycle of connection to end and another to gracefully begin?
We don't cry when the sun goes down, because we have faith that it will rise again. And in the meantime we get to enjoy the cool dark of night.
Can we learn to face the pain of disconnection with calm abiding, confident that we will again experience the warmth of intimate connection?
As hard as it can be, disconnection also opens the door to creating rich and nourishing new connections.
Maybe the biggest myth of all is that disconnection even truly exists.
When we really get that we are always connected to everyone and everything as parts of this one magnificent life, that's when the real 'happily ever after' begins.
In loving connection,
This week I’m honoring the bountiful life of my beloved, Douglas, who passed away suddenly five years ago.
We had a deep soul connection that is rare and precious. On his birthday I scrolled through photos of our rich time together. I smiled all the way down to my toes as I remembered the nourishing and crazy beautiful times we shared. And then the waves of tears came. They were tears of remembrance for all that was, and tears of deep longing for all that might have been. They flowed even move intensely when I thought of all the life experiences he is now missing.
As I was remembering and loving him, I suddenly felt his strong presence all around me. An intense quickening moved through my whole being that brought goose bumps and overwhelming gratitude.
I felt his presence, his love and support, and his deep acceptance of the turn his life had taken.
It felt like his strong hand was on my back, holding me and reassuring me of the power of the connection we share, then and now. In that moment I was humbled by the strength of his soul and his ever-present commitment to loving. It was a moment to cherish forever.
Feeling his presence since he passed out of his body is very different from being hugged by Douglas while he was alive in his tall strong body. Yet, the essence of the connection is clearly the same.
The outer connections from body to body may be severed, yet the true connection, soul to soul, never dies.
This is true whether someone has crossed over or not. So why not take a moment right now, and send a wave of love to someone you are connected with, soul to soul. You might just make their day.
In loving connection,
Recently, I went to the birthday party of a bright and beautiful 16 year old. Rather than having the typical sweet 16 birthday party, this free thinking young woman wanted the dozen or so people at her celebration to sit in circle and share.
After feasting and listening to music, we came together and were asked to answer a series of engaging questions. Each questions brought out delightful answers from those gathered. The more people shared, the more everyone in the group opened into deeper trust and authenticity. As time went by, eyes lit up and smiles got brighter. Fond memories, deep wisdom, and much laughter were shared that day.
It was deeply nourishing to be part of this birthday gathering. I came away feeling inspired and over the top optimistic about the future of our planet after months of grim political and ecological news being blasted from every media outlet. Being at the party felt like being rubbed down with a deep healing salve.
One of the questions asked that day was: “What do you wish someone had told you on your 16th birthday?”
At the time I said something about the importance of following your heart and soul. I still stand by that answer. Absolutely. Always.
Since that day I have pondered this question many times and have found another answer that resonates just as deeply with me.
So here goes. What I wish someone told me on my 16th birthday:
Develop the habit of turning towards connection. Connection is what matters most in life. Connect and you will be fine.
Connection has the power to heal and soothe whatever ails you.
Deepening connection with yourself and with the people around you is the powerful catalyst that transforms us into what is most real, valuable and true.
If you lack anything, connection is the next step, and the ultimate answer.
Master connection and you master life.
Wishing you a beautifully connected holiday today.
In loving connection,
Isn’t it crazy how willing we are to believe the worst about ourselves?
We quietly throw ourselves under the bus a million times a day. We sell ourselves out, and act like we are tarnished and dented goods.
If you saw a friend doing this, it would be heartbreaking, wouldn’t it?
So we hide. We slay ourselves in the deep shadows of our psyche. Sometimes we shout, and sometimes we whisper about all the ways we are defective. Whether it is loudly voiced or almost inaudible, we relentlessly criticize and shame ourselves, day in and day out.
I’m calling you all out on the ways you’re are not kind to yourself, and invite you to start telling the truth about how magnificent you are—even with all the dents and tarnished parts.
Those parts make you more beautiful.
I repeat, those parts—the nuances, the imperfections you relentlessly try to hide, are the badges you have earned through a life well lived. They are the badges you get from rising each day to courageously face the challenges at hand.
These parts create your patina; the stuff that doesn’t need to be hidden. They are the wabi sabi marks that enhance your raw and natural beauty.
These are also the parts that need loving attention. They secretly want to be held and shamelessly cherished.
When we can summon the compassion and strength to wholeheartedly embrace them, these are the parts that make us feel real and whole and humble, gratefully yearning for more life.
With a warm embrace,
Have you ever felt expansive, yet grounded; connected, yet free; autonomous, yet deliciously united with the people around you?
You were touching into a state of wholehearted connection.
Why is connection so important? Research show that developing strong social connections correlates to higher self-esteem, greater empathy for others, and the development of more trusting and cooperative relationships. The bottom line it that connection generates greater social, emotional, and physical well-being.
Enhancing your capacity for connection is not simply a skill to develop, but a way of life to embrace. It is a way of life that rocks. Some of the brass rings you get when you ride the connection merry-go-round: more satisfying relationships, better health, greater affluence, and security.
Sadly, the opposite is true for those who lack social connectedness. Low levels of connection are associated with declines in physical and psychological health, and increased violence behavior.
Really smart and well educated researchers have spend a lot of time and money verifying these claims. Studies have shown that developing greater social connections leads to lower levels of anxiety and depression, a stronger immune system, faster recovery from illness, a better brain, and even greater longevity.
Where connection lives, happiness follows.
Are you in yet? :-)
Knowing connection is really significant and deeply fulfilling is very different then being able to cultivate more of it in your life. This connected place is a sweet spot we may visit at random and sometimes unexpected times, yet all too often we don't know how to recreate it on demand. There are particular skills and capacities involved in creating deeply fulfilling and wholehearted connection. Most of us are in the process of discovering and honing those skills, so I've dedicating a series of blogs to the elements that go into that process.
There are three significant dimensions of wholehearted connection: connection with self, connection with your inner circle, and connection with your extended tribe.
Deepening connection in all three spheres creates a vast doorway to a bigger life.
Living a wholeheartedly connected life opens this door so that ever deepening connection becomes your new normal. Not just the place you visit briefly on vacation, or tip toe into from time to time, but the place where you are deeply grounded no matter where you travel or who you are with.
The most significant first step in creating wholehearted connection is getting more connected with yourself. With your body, your mind and soul; with your heart’s deepest longings, and even the fears and sorrows you have encase in tired old tragic stories and quietly tucked away.
When we stop dodging and hiding what lives authentically inside of us, life gets really interesting.
Connection quite naturally thrives as you discover the truer stories of who you are; the rich tales inscribed upon your soul that are waiting to be translated into the language of this time and place.
What does self connection feel like?
Being present. Body awake. Heart, soul, mind, brain, and nervous system aligned. Heart leading, and persistently beating you towards what matters most. Feeling alive and embodied as love. Your inner powers activated.
What does healthy connection with your inner circle feel like?
Safe. Safe. Safe. And did I mention safe? Love and respect. Acceptance. Authenticity. Room for vast differences, yet cut of the same cloth. Truth is the language spoken here. Warmth. Sharing it all; the burdens and the beauty.(Be sure to check out the shot below of some of my inner circle at a recent holiday brunch).
What does healthy connection to your extended tribe feel like?
One human family. Inclusive. A place for self expression. Gifting. Either no expectations, or crystal clear win/win expectation. Owning and sharing Your Superpowers. Being a loving stewart and protector of all people, the Earth, the leafy ones, and our many legged friends. Alignment with a greater power, whatever you may call it. Basking in the mystery and embracing the many facets of this complex and sometimes perplexing life.
If any of this sounds intriguing or maybe even downright compelling, you can open to a fuller experience of wholehearted connection right here, right now.
Today I'm sharing a really simple yet powerful practice for Grounding and Presence to access greater self connection.
Try the Practice for Grounding and Presence Here
In loving connection,
We all long for connection.
Most people want connection more than just about anything else, whether they realize it or not. For some, this longing lives as a roaring demand of the universe and its many inhabitants; a near constant invitation to engage. For others it is a tender, almost inaudible plea that doesn’t expect to ever be fully heard.
Whatever your habitual connection style, you’re hardwired to reach out for connection. Healthy connection, vibrant connection, or whatever quality of connection we can possibly get. Because life in these bodies is all about feeling fully alive and totally plugged in.
When we feel wholeheartedly connected, we feel energized, creative, and ultra magnetic.
We were all conceived in a blaze of connection between a hard driving sperm and a willing egg. Some part of us always wants to revisit this juicy creative place of vast potential, even when the connectedness has nothing to do with sex.
When we’re in this connected place, anything is possible. ANYTHING.
The cute sexy partner, the bulging bank account, the groovy new digs, the work that really matters, the trek through the Amazonian wilds, the flat belly after the baby, or the award that says you’ve made it.
Within all these desires is the longing to feel more wholeheartedly connected. The things we want the most are simply doorways to deeper connection; connection to our self and to our tribe, local and global.
We’re all wired a bit differently, but it goes something like this:
The dream guy makes you feeling more connected to love and self worth.
The sexy toned body connects you to feeling desirable and confident.
Extra $ in the bank opens the door to connection with the infinite number of possibilities you can buy with all that cash.
The island get-a-way with your sweetheart equals connection to cool surf, warm sand, and the juiciest parts of both of you that only come out to play in the spaciousness created by island time.
The shiny new car connects you to feelings of freedom, confidence, and success.
Professional opportunities create connection to challenges that are yearning to meet up with your unique genius.
And on and on it goes. Creating healthy nourishing connections is a key elements to accomplishing anything and everything: a loving and supportive romantic partnership, professional success, jaw dropping creative expansion, and more influence or affluence in your life. Connection is the key element that empowers creative manifestation in every area of life.
It is the full tank of gas on your long awaited road trip.
We yearn for connection because when we feel connected, life gets better. Not just a tad bit better, but exponentially, extravagantly, way, way, better.
When we are wholeheartedly connected we feel like we are plugged in, turned on, and shining in all our glory.
My wish for you this holiday season...
Deeper and more authentic connection in every situation; with the barista you will never cross paths with again, and with the toxic family member who drives you absolutely crazy at every holiday gathering. It all matters, and it all offers another vast opportunity for wholehearted connection.
Holding you in the heart of love,
Our hesitation to really know and be known by another is the greatest hindrance to full blooded, exuberant love. Yet knowing and being known by another comes with the territory.
Revealing yourself, especially your tender parts, is inherent in love, and it is rarely easy.
We have tender hearts that can be broken. We have egos that can be bruised. We have long standing wounds that do not want to be disturbed, much less be poked at. So we hide.
We hide our tender parts. And rightly so sometimes. There are times when self protection is a healthy practice. When you are in a hostile environment, self protection may be the best approach.
Yet, an open heart knows that which is real can never really be hurt.
Feelings come and go, thoughts come and go, and life circumstances come and go. The internal stories we tell come and go. Yet the essence of who you are is resilient and enduring, and strong beyond measure. Realizing there is something within and through every part of you that cannot be wounded can bring about an openness that invites deeper love and connection. This knowing can give you the courage to love boldly, even in the face of an unpredictable response. Even in the face of possible rejection, hurt, or abandonment.
If you want to love more (and who doesn't?), a great place to start is by letting yourself be known more fully. And to honor the inner longing to know life more fully, even when it comes in a crazy array of expressions; some dark and some pretty, some barren and some lush.
The answer is always... just love.
What does this mean to just love? It means being willing to open and unite with all that is within you and outside of you (as if there really is an “outside”). It means loving every sensation, every person, every sound, every sight. With nothing resisted and nothing blocked out. Nothing.
Can you embrace every experience, trusting all has come into your sphere of awareness with a reason and a purpose; as a gift and an opportunity for awakening?
To your beloved’s messiness… say YES! Merge with it until it doesn’t matter.
To your longing for peace.... say YES! Embrace it in the midst of chaos.
To your children’s whining... say YES! Unite with it and really hear it for the first time.
To your anger... say YES! Allow it the space it needs to teach you.
And most of all, to your pain…. say YES! Embrace it and allow it to make you more humble, real, and tender than ever before. Just love.
The invention and wide spread use of PCs was definitely a game changer. The world wide web was another game changer that most people couldn't have imagined not that many years ago. The iPhone was another game changing technology that has radically changed the way we live, connect, and create.
It is hard to imagine what communication was like before these game changing technologies became as commonplace as telephones, paper, and pens.
Most of us are plugged in most of the time now. Maybe you love your devices and all they do for you, or maybe you simply tolerate their necessary presence in our cyber drenched, fast-paced culture. Either way, there is no denying their usefulness in our day-to-day lives.
In recent years, these kind of rapid advancements in technology has been happening in many other areas as well. In medicine (think X-ray to MRI), in transportation (the gas guzzling 1960s station wagon to the new Tesla), and also in the area of psychospiritual growth and transformation.
In this field, which I so dearly love, powerful game changing technologies have emerged that can radically changing the way we live and grow. There are innovative new techniques available to reduce stress, rewire your brain, and heal unhealthy relationships patterns so you can experience greater health, well being, and happiness. These innovative techniques can help you choose more positive and life enhancing responses to day-to-day challenges.
These powerful tools are key elements in the emerging field of Energy Psychology, which is being hailed as a powerful new force in individual and collective transformation.
One of the keynotes of Energy Psychology is that it can actually change your physiological responses to stress, leaving you calmer and more capable of finding healthy, life enhancing solutions when challenges inevitably arise on a day-to-day basis.
In 50 peer reviewed scientific studies of numerous techniques of Energy Psychology, there were positive outcomes in 48 of those studies!
These are overwhelmingly positive results, suggesting Energy Psychology is a power force for healing and growth.
I have found Energy Psychology techniques to be powerful tools for creating rapid positive changes in my life and in the lives of my clients. Energy Psychology has helped clear long standing, debilitating issues for my clients, sometimes in as little as one or two sessions. These techniques are easy to learn and practice with a trained guide. Once you have been taught the techniques, you can use them on your own to accelerate your growth, healing, and awakening. Contact me if you would like to explore this leading edge psychospiritual technology.
The collective heart is getting warmer every day.
We sense something is different about life these days, but we can’t quite find the right words to describe the changes. The trivialities that once consumed so much of our attention are quietly fading away. A bright new loving radiance is playing upon our isolated personal kingdoms, quietly breaking down protective walls as it weaves new threads of unity and community through our lives. These awakening heart forces enlivens us and bestows the strength to give and forgive anew.
Yet, amidst the warmth of the awakening global heart, there is confusion and pain, deeper and more easily felt than ever before. If our collective heart is opening, why are we still suffering? Why is there so much strife in every corner of every land?
We may naively assume heart awakening could only bring peace and serenity, comfort and joy. Not so.
As the global heart stirs to greater life, every person is inwardly asked to choose to join in this planetary heart warming, or not. When we make choices that are aligned with the heart, joy enters in. When our choices emerge from a heart constricted by fear, suffering rears its head. Joy and suffering dance side-by-side as we repeatedly wrestle with this choice over and over again. We are repeatedly asked to choose to be part of the new radiance of the awakening heart, or to wither and die on the vine, clinging to fear generated patterns that outlived their usefulness long ago.
When we freely give, we make a choice that strengthen the global heart. When we boldly create, we make a choice that expands the global heart. And when we recognize the pure essence of whoever is right before us, we quicken the pulse of the global heart. Sounds like a really simple plan, doesn’t it? So why isn’t it easier to consistently do these things, moment by moment? Why the uphill fight, with ourself and others, to pump new life into the collective heart? Why is it sometimes so hard to actually live the good, the true, and the beautiful; the magnificent, the wondrous, and the extraordinary?
Our collective amnesia keeps us from remembering the real intention of the game we are playing. No one pulled us aside in the delivery room to say, “This is Heart Awakening 101. Love gets you an 'A'."
To truly be free, we are called to consciously and repeatedly choose the red pill… the bold and brazen truth pill that reminds us of our real purpose for being. When we swallow it whole, all the illusions we have swallowed for so long suddenly seem rather silly.
What exactly was so interesting about “looking good”, "staying safe",“having more”, or “being better than…”? When we seek truth, love, and kindness rather than our fear induced illusions, we instantly wake up and remember we are here to joyously reside in the warm and vibrant pulse of the awakening collective heart.
Anything else is merely a distraction, a contraction, and a disconnect. These twisted byroads are sometimes interesting, but never truly satisfying.
The interesting twist to this tale is that we can’t awaken the heart forces alone. The very essence and fiber of the heart is unity, and community.
Every doorway into the heart demands a password infused with loving communion. Every expansion of heart demands greater connection.
Love really is the answer we’ve all been looking for. For where there is love, there is unity. When we make choices that awaken heart, we get connected to a wider, richer sphere of experience where love and unity naturally flourish.
As the collective heart warms and expands, it releases wave after luminous wave of loving kindness upon the world. And as we dare to open and move to its powerful rhythm, the radiance of the expanding global heart penetrates our lives anew and nothing is ever quite the same.
We often go looking for love, longing for its delicious warmth and glow. Yet our release from this ravenous desire comes from remembering that the journey of the heart begins with loving connection with yourself. The first step is opening in loving communion with every part of yourself—the depth of your own breath, the warm delicious feel of your own skin, the rawness of your pain and hurt, the inspiration of your grandest vision, and the fiery radiance of your own expanding heart.
As we create a sea of love within and around us, we open to a force of love beyond what we’ve ever known. This is the heartfelt path that beckons us all.
With big love,
The last tree in the yard finally opened its tiny green buds in honor of Spring. The rest of the land came alive weeks ago, vibrant with tight buds of the exquisite shade of green that only reveals itself as a beaconing of the warm days ahead. As the rest of the trees were dancing in the delight of Spring renewal, this one tree was still stark and bare. This one tree was still resting while the other trees were boldly awakening.
As I looked at this still dormant tree one day, standing in stark contrast to the verdant finery all around, my perception of the tree suddenly shifted. Instead of seeing it as a dark barren tree, I suddenly saw it as the most beautiful love infused tree ever. Its dark bare branches suddenly became the embodiment of love. Its sap was dripping with pure love, and its root were wrapping the earth in love.
Sometimes love is dark and barren on the outside, as a tree in winter. A person or situation may seem to be void of love, without vibrant green leaves, fruits, or flowers. All you can see from the outside are stark, bare branches. Yet deep within, love is resting quietly, waiting for the return of the warmth and light to help it branch forth in new ways.
The naked tree in winter is love, despite its barren appearance.
The vibrant tree in full flower is also love, through and through.
It is easy to recognize love in its fullness, yet can we also recognize love when it is resting or slowly unfolding?
Resting love and awakening love are both still love. It is our judgements that separate one version of love from another, and convince us one form of love is better than the other, that a tree in full flower is more beautiful than the bare, still tree in winter.
The mind separates and judges, yet the heart includes all, and sees beauty in all. That very capacity to see beauty in the way life is unfolding right now, even in its bareness, is a powerful force that comforts, awakens and inspires.
At ten years old I was a pretty miserable child.
A latch key kid from a “broken home”, I was pretty shy and awkward. My older brother picked on me, my parents worked a lot, and I was throughly bored in school. A creative type at heart, I was not amused by worksheets and multiple choice tests. I couldn’t sit still in class and got in trouble quite a bit. I yearned to sing (even if it was off-key most of the time), and paint and play in the orange grove in my back yard.
All that changed the day my new teacher arrived wearing ultra cool John Lennon glasses and a ponytail down his back. Richard was pure magic in my ten year old world. His smile hinted that he knew every secret in the entire universe worth knowing. He was unlike any teacher I had ever known.
In Richard’s class we explored color and sound, and created delicious sensory feasts of all kinds. We painted and sculpted and danced. We sang “Here Comes the Sun” at the beginning of class as he played his guitar. We made stapled together booklets called Poor Dickie’s Almanac, and filled them with the prose and poetry we wrote. We even made a super 8 movie. One of the high points of my childhood was when he cast me as The Queen, surely to coax me out of my shyness.
That classroom was alive. I was alive. We were alive… together!
As a gift for each child’s birthday, Richard wrote a poem. When my birthday came, he reverently read my poem, and then presented me with a calligraphy copy of this brief and touching verse. Decades later, I still remember every word.
Winter in and frozen stream,
but sunlight sees right through,
To a world of warmth beneath,
and lives come true.
When I heard the verse I was stunned and elated all at once. I instantly knew that Richard saw me in a way no one else did. He saw deeply into the shy and fumbling little girl I was pretending to be.
Richard really saw me! He recognized my heart and soul. He saw me as the warmth that could make lives come true! The moment I realized Richard saw deep within me, I saw myself in a new way.
Love is sometimes hidden deep inside; crusted over and frozen. Yet in the tumultuous ebb and flow of life, we have infinite opportunities to recognize and bow down to love in its many forms, within ourselves and all around us.
We all have the opportunity to be the warmth of love that "flows and makes lives come true". Richard did this for me, and in so doing invited me to recognize the incredible power of my loving essence.
He was a catalyst for my tender heart awakening. Before Richard came into my life I knew I was loved, but he helped me to know that I am love. In this simple and magical way, Richard changed my life forever. After that birthday, my young heart would never beat as it had before. I could never again truly believe I was less than I was, or small, or insignificant.
The simple act of courageously recognizing the heart of love in one another is a deeply significant gift, which is so easy to forget as we whirl through life, trying to grab the many shiny and tempting brass rings in our ever spinning lives.
And yet, what is the alternative? We can go on judging, condemning, and criticizing each other. We can be competitive, petty, and uncaring. We can even be angry because the people in our lives don’t always give us the love we want, in just the right package.
Or we can be the "sunlight that see right through", even in the deep cold of winter.
As a young woman, my ideas about love were throughly conditioned by the romantic notions of Western culture. In my young mind, love was all about "happily ever after." The height of love was an idealized version of romantic love with my perfect partner.
As I went through life’s inevitable challenges, I began to have a wider, richer understanding of love. As fulfilling as romantic love can be, a bigger and bolder version of love began to bubble up in my awareness. As my internal vision of love expanded, I looked for ways to bring fuller expressions of love to each moment and situation, rather than perpetually looking for love to show up in the ways I expected and projected.
As I began to look at life through more loving eyes, situations that used to seem hopeless and disappointing became powerful opportunities to share love.
How I defined love kept getting bigger and bigger until one day I realized love encompassed every interaction, every thought, and every feeling I ever had. Period.
Love truly is everywhere, in everyone.
Even the painful disconnected moments that don’t feel very loving are part of love's ever present dance. Every heartache has love at its core. And every person is the embodiment of love’s ever expanding grace.
The moment we realize love really IS everywhere, wanting more love shifts to realizing you already have it.
When we really get this, the ultimate love challenge shifts from finding love, to igniting a fuller, richer expressions of love in every situation.
Searching for the perfect lover is transformed into exploring ways to activate the sometimes hidden and elusive love within and all around you. Wanting love is transformed into being love, and shining its warm radiance in every direction.
Love is the very substance of our world. It is the essence of earth and air, fire and water. Love is the essence of every human heart, mind, and body, however ailing and pain ridden they may be.
Love is the essential force that unites all and make us whole.
Love's mighty force is activated simply by recognizing it. In a world that seems to be turned upside down with perpetual suffering, recognizing love can seem like a small and insignificant act.
Yet, the simple act of recognizing love unleashes its miraculous healing force and activates the creative power we’ve all been searching for, whether we know it or not. This simple act can have profoundly positive consequences in our collective evolutionary journey.
The simple recognition of love has the power to heal, to awaken, and to transform lives.
On this Valentine's Day I recognize you and me, and all the chaos and suffering in the world as love in the process of bursting through into greater expression.
In the light of Love,
In celebration of Valentine's Day, I'm sharing a video that is near and dear to my heart. Several months ago, my daughter and her sweetheart were married.
Although I have married many couples over the years as a licensed non-denominational wedding officiant, it was a profound honor to marry my daughter, and to share deeply in this heartwarming and really fun celebration. This joyous day was incredibly inspiring, and one of the high points of my life.
I share this with you with the hope that it will inspire you to awaken and cultivate greater love in all of your relationships. Enjoy!
I like to write. When I write I feel calm, clear, tuned in, and vibrantly alive.
A few friends and clients have mentioned that some of my blog posts are too long for this fast-paced, plugged in era. So I will be writing periodic posts that get right to the heart of the matter. Short and sweet. I love digging deep and getting to what is essential. So here goes!
Trust is one of the most significant qualities needed to cultivate healthy relationships. Trust takes time to build, nurture, and sustain. In this humorous and insightful video renowned researcher, Brené Brown shares powerful insights about how to cultivate trust with the significant people in your life. It is well worth taking the time to watch.
Autumn often sparks a deep sense of gratitude and appreciation for the joy and abundance of this crazy beautiful human journey. As our lovely Mother Earth ripens and graces us with the bounty of yet another growing season, I am moved to celebrate the many blessings of my life.
This year, I feel a deep and pervasive gratitude not just for the “blessings”, but also for the many challenges I have faced in recent years; the tests and trials, the grief, and ultimately, the letting go it has demanded.
As the season turns, I remember and celebrate the heart wrenching times when life has been anything but joyful; the days when I felt anything but strong, wise, and awake. These were the days when I felt like I was going through a meat grinder, over and over again. Despite the pain, I am grateful because these trying times have broken down yet another layer of protection around my heart, led me to greater self awareness and compassion, and tenderized me like nothing else could.
As the season turns, I also celebrate the colorful foliage dropping all around me. As these freshly liberated leaves dance on the soft wind, I am gently reminded to shed all that I no longer need. In those sweet moments of remembrance, I know that just like the falling leaves, the released parts of me are on their way to becoming the compost that will nourish the new growth that is sure to follow.
My mantra for this fine, crisp new season: “let go, let go, let go”. These simple words reaffirm my commitments to embracing the fullness of life which includes fresh beginnings as well as completion. I notice how much I prefer fostering new life rather than allowing that which has completed a cycle to fall away. Who doesn't prefer falling in love to breaking up? We want to hold on to the freshness, and run from the endings.
Yet, the urge to let go is always an appropriate response; to joyous births and rocky deaths, to all that feels good and all that hurts. Letting go is a nourishing way of life and a powerful pathway to more fully embodying and expressing our deepest essence.
As I say this powerful phrase to myself over and over, “let go” somehow morphs into “let glow”. This brings an inner smile because letting go allows the inner light to shine brighter than ever.
Finally and most significantly, as the season turns and the nights grow cooler, I celebrate the inner warmth that is sparked each time we reach out to touch another by courageously being real. When we are willing to be vulnerable and authentically offer up whatever we have been hiding or quietly holding back, whether it is our shadowy parts or our magnificence, we claiming our true strength and power. In the instant we choose to authentically share, love enters in and changes everything.
All transitions, from the rhythmic change of season to major and minor work and relationship transitions, call us to adapt, to let go, to release, and to open up to whatever is next. The change of season offer a delicious opportunity to consciously say yes to the impulse to move, to shift, and to free ourselves from yesterday’s feelings, habits, moods, and obsolete creations.
Using flowers essences is a great way to support this process. The essences help set a new tone and vibration within your energy field, making it easier to gracefully let go of whatever no longer serves you. My favorite flower essences come from Findhorn Flower Essences in Scotland. They provide a wide variety of essences that are effective and easy to use. A few drops in your water glass once a day is all you need to provide the healing and transformational support to make changes more gracefully.
Simply chose an essence from their website and use it each day until it is gone. Check out their website here: www.findhornfloweressences.com.
With love and good cheer,
In recent weeks I have been taking plenty of time to travel, play, rest and rejuvenate. A lighter summertime schedule has given me more time to read, reflect, and to just be.
I’m home now, feeling deeply renewed and inspired by the growth and deep embodiment that have unfolded over the past few years, in my life and in the lives of my clients.
This is definitely a time for unveiling your unique brilliance, and daring to more purely and powerfully share who you are. We are all being called to do more of what really lights us up, and to empower others in the process.
Doors that have long been tightly closed are now ready to open wide for those who choose the way of liberation and creative contribution. The more we authentically step up and into fresh territory, the more we quite naturally become a catalyst for others to do the same.
I wonder, what is opening your bold and beautiful heart these days? Are you giving yourself permission to courageously follow your fiery inspiration? What inner impulses are you saying “YES” to?
Today I’m sharing what has been opening my heart and mind during these long, warm days of midsummer.
What I’m grateful for…
The opportunity to love deeply. This week marks the three year anniversary of the unexpected passing of my beloved partner. Since that day, I have faced the grieving process head on, over and over again, only to find ever brighter love, gratitude, and appreciation for the opportunity to intimately know and love, and be known and loved by a truly courageous and wise soul. It was, and continues to be, an honor to stand as one with Douglas Brady.
What I’m celebrating….
Having the opportunity to officiate at the wedding of my daughter later this month. There is so much joy in our family right now as we prepare for this grand love fest. As a mother, officiating will be the powerful completion of a cycle of nurturing my daughter’s growth in a very active way. It is fulfilling and exciting to joyfully release her into a new cycle of life with a loving man by her side. This is definitely a summer of love!
What I’m reading…
There is much written about emotionally dysfunctional relationships, yet this thought provoking article offers a clear and refreshing take on what is is like to be an emotionally healthy grown up:
With fiery love,
Warm summer greetings to you, my friend.
These past few weeks have brought on a cycle of deep emotional clearing for many, myself included. Maybe this is true for you, too?
The other day, a friend mentioned a woman who recently “broke down in tears.” We have all heard and probably spoken this common phrase many times.
When I heard it that day, I was struck by how often the underlying collective assumption is that the display of deep and raw emotion is an indication of brokenness, and “breaking down” is a clear and irrefutable sign that something is terribly wrong and needs to be fixed.
We live within this assumption as the fish lives within the sea, unaware of the wetness all around.
Even if we know in our clever, over active minds that deep emotion does not equate to brokenness, most people are still conditioned and wired to live as though this were true. So often we hide, suppress, anesthetize, or close down at the first hint of a wild raging storm brewing within.
When we begin to feel emotional and unsettled inside, how often do we think, “what’s wrong?”
Maybe, just maybe, those intense emotions are emerging because of what is right in our lives; because of what we are letting go of and releasing.
Deep and authentic emotion is often a sign of full bodied living, not brokenness.
Raw emotion (as opposed to rehashing the same old tired drama) often wells up when we get in touch with a deeper truth, maybe one we pushed away long ago because we did not yet have the strength to courageously face it and embrace it.
These waves of emotion call to be acknowledged, accepted, and loved just as they are. The simple act of being with deep emotion rather than running from is often exactly what is needed to free up and release the pain; and then quite naturally and gracefully let ourselves be guided on to our next evolutionary step.
The challenge is to lean in to these feelings simply as there are, as physical sensation.
Can we feel the hot sting of tears without adding a tragic story? Can the pain in our gut be simply that… a pain in the gut? Can we breathe into and deeply feel these sensations without fighting them or wallowing in them?
Maybe there are warm wet cleansing tears, yearning to flow through you right now. Maybe there are rough and ragged fears stuffed way down inside, longing to be held within the unconditional embrace of your own tender heartedness.
Maybe, just maybe, it is possible to fully embrace and intimately know every nuance of these untamed waves of emotion, and in the process of being fully present to our raw and authentic feelings, simply allow them to naturally return to the vast ocean of human experience, leaving us cleansed, invigorated, and broken open rather than broken down.
Happy Spring, my friend.
The first few days of Spring are always a vibrant and joyful time. As nature energetically bursts forth anew, our enthusiasm for living is sparked like no other time of the year. Anything seems possible at this turn of the yearly cycle. As the warmth of the Sun increases, we are given the strength and optimism needed for renewal and expansion after the inward darkness of previous months.
To remain fresh and fulfilling, our relationships need continual renewal and encouragement.
The fiery warm inspiration that is naturally abundant this time of the year can be a powerful catalyst for strengthening and deepening our closest relationships.
Recently, a longtime friendship went through a challenging period. For years, this friendship had been naturally and easily loving, fun and enriching. Yet in recent months I was feeling discontent with our time together. I was sad and deeply disappointed about what I perceived to be a lack of compassion and understanding in my friend’s attitude towards me. As I was contemplating the situation I remembered some relationship advice I was given when I was 18 years old…
“When you want something that you are not getting in a relationship, the most powerful first step is to freely and abundantly give what you want from the other person, to the other.”
This sounds so simple. Yet the moment I heard this powerful idea I knew it was a game changer. This has proven to be true over the years as this simple idea has been immensely helpful over and over again. Embracing this idea has melted resistance, ended power struggles, and opened up more positive experiences than I could ever count.
By simply giving what you want more of, the relationship turns into a fertile field where the very quality you desire can flourish for both of you. When we quit wanting what we aren’t getting, the other person often gives that very experience back to us without even being asked. In this simple act of giving we move into the heart, which brings a loving, giving quality to the relationship. As the energies of the heart flow more freely in the relationship, everything changes for the better.
If you want more respect, give more respect.
If you want more acceptance, give more acceptance.
If you want more kindness, give more kindness.
If you want more nurturing touch, give more nurturing touch.
I’m happy to report that as I gave my friend more compassion and understanding, she gave it right back to me in beautifully enriching ways. Without drama and trauma! Sometimes additional steps are needed to deepen and strengthen a relationship, but this is always a great place to start.
Maybe you have a relationship that could benefit from this kind of renewal. Probably more then one. :-) So why not give this approach a try? I would love to hear how it works out for you.
With love and warm wishes for your Springtime renewal,
I recently returned to my home in Northern California after traveling for several weeks, visiting family, friends and clients, working along the way. There were so many highlights from my travels; warm holiday celebrations with family, the engagement of my daughter to a man I adore, long savory meals with dear friends, celebrating my birthday with a lively dance party, and laughter galore. It was also deeply nourishing to enjoy city life and all it has to offer — the stimulation of new art, concerts, and fabulous meals; and to appreciate the beauty and serenity of nature during beach walks, hikes in the coastal hills, and hot air ballooning over wine country at sunrise.
As I savor the afterglow of my trip, a Danish word comes to mind — hygge (pronounced ‘hooga’), which loosely translates as a mental state of “togetherness” and “coziness.” According to Denmark’s official tourism site: “The warm glow of candlelight is hygge. Enjoying family and friends is hygge too. And let’s not forget eating and drinking — preferably sitting around the table for hours on end discussing the big and the small things of life.” Appreciating and cultivating hygge explains why the Danish people consistently rank among the happiest people in the world.
When you think of hygge, think warm, fuzzy, happy heart; think of everyone you really, really love, laughing in a puppy pile on a soft fluffy cloud drinking hot cocoa.
Awe, hygge…. that cozy feeling that emerges in the warmth of loving connection.
One day towards the end of my trip, I had the sweet revelation that a fuller experience of hygge had become my new normal. Rather then hygge being a momentary experience sparked by warm and loving encounters, it was pulsing through me in a new way — as a sweet, silent offering, gently enriching every moment.
Each person I visited had been a catalyst for the fuller expression of hygge that spontaneously emerged within me.
I am home now, sitting alone on this rainy winter morning, yet hygge reigns in my head and heart, and even down to my toes. Hygge is holding steady as a whole being lovefest within and all around me. Even during the moments when I feel frustration, or fear, or disconnection, an undercurrent of hygge remains. I have a new understanding of this state, which transcends and yet includes momentary feelings of warmth, coziness and safety.
Hygge is the natural state of our hearts and souls, embodied and felt as loving unity with all life.
In this delicious connected state, so many day-to-day concerns and problems seem to drop away. In a state of hygge, every encounter and sensory experience takes on a new richness as warmth prevails.
Cultivating this deeply connected and satisfying inner sense so that it blossoms into a whole-being sustainable experience is an opportunity that lies before us all. Doing the inner work of healing and awakening is a vital part of this process because it helps create a fertile field where hygge is likely to emerge and expand. Doing your inner work is like putting compost on your garden. When you enrich the soil, you know whatever grows there will be more resilient, fruitful and beautiful.
The really exciting part of this hygge process is that when this inner cozy state emerges in new ways, it naturally enhances our relationships.
Our inner condition sets the tone for our relationships. Integrated Energy Psychology has proven to be a powerful catalyst for growth and healing, which creates a fertile field for authentic loving connection to naturally arise and expand in relationships.
If you are intrigued by the possibility of deepening your experience of hygge, I would love to support you in this process.
With big love and warm blessings,
Are you letting lingering pain and disappointment from your previous love relationships get in the way of experiencing deep love and connection in your life right now?
Have you grieved your last relationship breakup so you can fully and joyfully open to new love and deeper intimacy?
Divorce or relationship breakups can leave you feeling hurt, sad, disappointed, and angry. Yet when you face these painful emotions and uncover the hidden lessons and wisdom within them, you quite naturally open to love and connection again.
When the natural grieving process related to ending a relationship is interrupted or incomplete, new love rarely blossoms. Unresolved emotions block your heart and keep you from opening to love again. In the aftermath of unresolved relationship grief, many people experience years of intermittent emotional pain and/or numbness, subsequent unfulfilling relationships, and deep loneliness.
Fortunately, there is a way to heal and resolve painful relationship wounds so you can be truly free to love again, more fully than ever before.
Integrated Energy Psychology and Relationship Coaching provides a proven pathway to heals the wounds that are keeping you from having the love and connection you want in your life now – in romantic partnership and in all of your relationships.
Through a powerful seven step process, we can work together to heal and dramatically expand your capacity to love anew – whether in your current love relationship, or by attracting a new partner.
This individualized clearing process works to clear pain from past relationships whether you recently ended a love relationship, or if the breakup or divorce happened years ago.
Periodically I offer a limited number of free introductory Energy Psychology and Relationship Coaching session to those in my cyber community. This is an opportunity to experience first hand how this leading edge process can support you in moving forward and opening to greater love and connection.
If you would like to explore how this work can give you the psychospiritual tools, support, and guidance you need to heal the pain of the past and step into new love, deeper intimacy, and partnership, please don't hesitate to send me an email.
Because we all deserve to generously love and be loved.
With big love,
It was more magical than I had ever imagined; a paradise with lush green vegetation, rock outcroppings forming a natural amphitheater, a meadow graced by wild flowers and fruit trees, a sunny spot for a vegetable garden, a large deck, and best of all, there was a vigorous year round creek flowing through the back yard! As I stepped inside the house and was greeted by a wall of windows that looked out upon the garden and the lush forest beyond, I knew I could be happy in this place.
This house was exactly what I had been looking for. There was a great room with high beamed ceilings, three bedrooms, two baths, and even a loft for doing yoga and meditation. The land was private and quiet, with no other houses in sight, yet it was close to downtown. After months of looking at houses for sale, there it was, and even in my price range!
Built in the 70s, the house needed updating, yet this seemed to be a small price to pay for this slice of heaven. I felt a great big “YES” ripple through me as I continued to marvel at the possibilities that could emerge if this property became my home.
This house had the potential to be all I imagined: a cozy home, a place of joyful connection with friends, family, and community, a serene sanctuary of transformation and inspiration; and a haven for living harmoniously with the nature spirits of the land.
I sat in the meadow beside the stream, meditated and asked inwardly if this was the right place for me to live. I felt the land and the life all around me responding with another great big “YES”. It felt like the land was embracing me and inviting me to be there. With “YES” rippling through me inside and all around, I hastily put in a full price offer and crossed my fingers.
I soon discovered four other eager buyers had put in offers as well. I wondered how I could set myself apart and increase my chances of getting the property. I was inspired to write to the owner of the property. In the letter I let her know why I wanted to live in her home. From the deepest, most authentic heartfelt place I could find, I wrote about how much I loved the property and how I wanted to bring the garden back to its full glory. I shared how I needed a healing and inspiring environment for myself and my clients, and how I imagined my yet to be born grandchildren playing in the creek on warm summer days.
As I sent off the letter, I realized I have never loved or wanted a home as much as this one. At this point I had given it my best shot and there was nothing more to do but trust that if this was indeed the house for me, all of the details would work out.
Over the next few days a ferocious bidding war with five eager buyers ensued. There were multiple offers and counter offers. I was anxious and excited all at once. Finally, my realtor called to say that even though there was an offer for $5,000 more than mine, the owner had excepted my offer!
As the dust settled and we opened escrow, I felt intense gratitude and awe. With four other eager buyers, one who offered a higher price than I had, how did this house become my home?
It was the authentic heartfelt connection with the owner that made the difference and set my offer apart from the others.
In my letter to the owner I wrote straight from my heart. My realtor later told me that when she read the letter there wasn’t a dry eye in the room, and the owner immediately said she wanted me to have her house. Having someone who would love her property meant more to the owner than the extra money.
Whether it is in personal relationships or business transactions, bringing your most authentic and heartfelt truth to the table elevates every human interaction.
This takes courage and the willingness to be vulnerable. This is risky business for us humans. Yet the rewards are great when we really allow our deepest heartfelt truths and desires to be known.
This week I’m celebrating and remembering, a year after opening escrow on my house. It is now in the final stages of being remodeled (that’s another story!), and I am more grateful than ever for the opportunity to live in a beautiful, magical place. This is a lifetime dream come true.
As I write and remember this powerful experience, I am reminded that the journey into deeper connection and heartfelt communion with others can continue each day if we choose to be our own catalyst by asking:
What heartfelt truth do I need to share today?
And then courageously and authentically communicate whatever it is. This is not always easy, yet it is so very liberating, no matter what response we get. And who knows, we may even get exactly what we want and need. :-)
With love and gratitude,
I feel deeply humble these days after coming through a challenging time. A few weeks ago I was brought to my knees by a nasty winter bug. After wrestling with this illness for over two weeks, I finally emerged triumphant and healthy. Yet the healing process was not easy.
I am usually the one who doesn't get sick.
When everyone around me is dropping like flies, I keep on flying. I once went 15+ years without a cold or flu. When I start to feel sick, I simply shift into healing high gear. Out comes the elderberry syrup, echinacea tea, and vitamin C. I go to bed early, do energy healing on myself, and by morning all is usually well.
Well, not this year. I was absolutely miserable for over two weeks with headaches, fatigue, body aches, interrupted sleep, a nasty cough, and endless congestion. This doesn't sound so bad, does it? Just an ordinary winter bug, right?
To get an idea of just how bad I felt, tune in to day six. As I tossed and turned in the middle of a very long sleepless night, I actually had the thought, "Am I ever going to feel better? This is as bad as childbirth!" I was stuck in that place where you feel like the pain and misery is never going to end. If you have ever been in labor or stood by someone giving birth, you know exactly what I mean.
What made this ordinary illness so miserable that it was reminiscent of child birth?
Drum roll here……. ISOLATION. I have lived alone since my beloved passed away over a year ago. Though I am normally very social and have many loving people in my life, when I was ill I stayed in bed for over ten days. Alone. My only contact was with my acupuncturist and a friend who brought over chicken broth and tissues. When the phone rang, I had little energy to answer it. My emails stacked up. I felt utterly alone in my misery.
This was definitely self imposed isolation. I have friends and family who would have come in an instant if I had reached out. Yet I didn't have the energy to do so. And I certainly didn't want to expose anyone to this nasty bug.
So I stayed home…. alone, alone, alone.
Coughing. Blowing. Sneezing. Sniffing. Alone, alone, alone.
We've all been sick and somehow made it through. Of course, I made it through and now feel good again. Looking back I see that the despite the misery and the days in bed, there was a great gift in this experience.
This illness reminded me that the most powerful healing force is loving connection with others.
When a friend dropped off groceries, my pain eased. When I saw my acupuncturist, my pain eased. When a friend came to walk my dog, my pain eased.
The moment we reach out and share our pain with others, light rushes into the raw and tender parts within us that are in need of healing.
This is true with different kinds of pain -- physical, emotional, or mental. As I write, this seems rather obvious. Yet it is worth shouting from the rooftops.
Even though we may know the most powerful healing force is loving connection, our competitive, consumer-oriented culture encourages and celebrates the lone-wolf mentality. The accomplishments of the ones who are in the limelight are often honored more than the team that stands behind them. We often feel like we have to tough it out on our own, rather than humbly ask for the support we need. This is slowly changing as humanity evolves, yet we have all been conditioned by the lone-wolf mentality, which often inhibits our capacity to reach out when we are in pain.
We all have pockets of pain and suffering that are seldom, if ever, shared.
Yet there can be tremendous liberation in sharing these tender parts with a compassionate listener. Today, I invite you to bring light to those painful places within that need love and compassion by embracing the process of inquiry and asking a few simple questions….
In what areas of life do I need to reach out for empathy and support?
What feelings am I suffering alone with?
Who can I call upon to hold a loving space for my pain, without trying to fix it?
By facing our own tender painful parts and opening to the care and compassion that is all around us, we create a loving, compassionate healing space for ourselves that is much bigger than our isolated pain.
And don't forget to ask these questions as well…
Who around me is suffering alone?
Who needs my attention, love and compassion?
How can I be there to help ease their pain and suffering?
By extending loving attention and empathy to others, we become a mighty healing force, sending waves of love around the planet. So let's use all this vibrant Spring energy to reach out and do this for each other, bigger and bolder than ever before.
Shining big love,
P.S. I'm here for you.
On Valentine's Day this year numerous people expressed displeasure about how silly it is to have just one day to celebrate love.
I'm sure you are all for 365 days of noncommercial love, just like I am.
So we can all remember the beautiful essence of this day, I offer you the "real" story of Valentine's Day, which is filled with love, courage and selfless giving. Enjoy, and keep on loving!
The Story of St. Valentine
St. Valentine lived in Rome during the third century. At that time, Rome was ruled by an emperor named Claudius. He was not well liked, Emperor Claudius.
Claudius wanted to have a big army. He expected men to volunteer to join. Many men just did not want to fight in wars. They did not want to leave their wives and families. As you might have guessed, not many men signed up. This made Claudius furious. So what happened? He had a crazy idea. He thought that if men were not married, they would not mind joining the army. So Claudius decided not to allow any more marriages. Young people thought his new law was cruel. St. Valentine openly rejected this law.
As a priest, St Valentine felt one of the most sacred acts he could perform was to marry couples. Even after Emperor Claudius passed his law, Valentine continued performing marriage ceremonies -- secretly - in the true spirit of holy matrimony. They would whisper the words of the ceremony, listening all the while for the steps of soldiers.
One night, they heard footsteps. Valentine helped the couple he was marrying escape before soldiers arrived, but he was captured, thrown in jail and told that his punishment was death.
Many young people came to the jail to visit Valentine. They threw flowers and notes up to his window. They wanted him to know that they, too, believed in love, not war.
One of these young people was the daughter of the prison guard. Her father allowed her to visit Valentine in the cell. Sometimes they would sit and talk for hours. She helped to keep Valentine's spirits up. She felt he had done a brave service by ignoring the Emperor, honoring the love between people and going ahead with the secret marriages. On the day he was to die, Valentine left a note to the daughter of the prison guard, thanking her for her friendship and loyalty. He signed it, "Love from your Valentine"
This event and note started the custom of exchanging love messages on Valentine's Day. It was written on the day St. Valentine was executed, February 14, 269 A.D. Now, every year on this day, people remember. But most importantly, they think about love and friendship. And remember too, the so-called "powers that be" often try to stand in the way of love. St. Valentine is the hero of love against all odds, knowing that love cannot be beaten!
Shining Big Love,
An energy therapist, relationship and spiritual life coach, Ariana is a lover of love in all of its many delicious forms; self love, couples love, family love, community love and ultimately, the universal love that pervades all.